It’s not even about the books anymore.
It’s the constant pressure. The never-ending deadlines.
The fear of being left behind. The guilt when you rest.
The fake calm you put on when you’re screaming inside.
The comparison that never ends even with yourself.
I can’t remember the last time I studied without checking the time every five minutes.
I can’t remember the last time I laughed without worrying about the next viva.
And god I can’t remember the last time I slept without waking up feeling like I’m already late.
I feel tired all the time.Not physically. That would be easier.
I mean mentally, emotionally, spiritually I feel empty.
Some days I stare at my books and nothing makes sense.
Other days, I push through, but it doesn’t feel like a win.
Because the syllabus is a black hole… the more you do, the more there is.
And what’s worse? No one talks about it.
Everyone’s smiling, attending postings, giving exams like machines.
And here I am wondering if I made the biggest mistake of my life.
I miss being human.
I miss peace.
I miss the version of me that existed before this course started chewing through my identity.